Choices

I got involved in some very interesting dialogue yesterday. In speaking with a friend, she and I were at odds with the concept of "choice". God gives us free will, we choose Him or we don't. I believe this to be true however, I'm not entirely sure that all things in life are a simple matter of "choice". I chose to be a nurse, before my husband died I chose to be married to him, I chose to give birth to three children, My life is clearly evidenced by my choices. I own them, the good and the bad but, I'm not convinced that life is always a matter of personal choice.

I am convinced that there is far more gray than there is black and white. I know a couple of women who are in incredibly abusive relationships. Not physically or sexually abusive but, mentally and emotionally. They don't leave and will not leave because their belief system as fundamental Christian women is that the only way out would be because of his adultery or death. So because of their choice to honor God as they know Him, they don't really have a choice except to set an example and endure.

I know a guy who is an alcoholic. He chose the first drink many moons ago but, one day woke up to find that he had actually been chosen by his original choice! He didn't chose to become an alcoholic and when the rest of us sit with friends and have a glass of wine we aren't choosing not to become alcoholics, are we ?

All I'm thinking is that sometimes without even making a choice life tends to sneak up on us. Sometimes we don't make the right choice because of fear or because of ignorance, or for what ever reason but sometimes we don't have it in us to even ponder a "choice".

Like how about falling in love? Do we chose who we will fall in love with? I don't believe that "yes" is always the right answer to the question when it comes to love. My experience with love is that it's even better when "it" chooses you!

One of the women that I love most in the world is an addict. I love her as deeply and completely as I am capable of loving any human on the planet. I have watched her move from being a lively and gregarious young women full of energy and positive thoughts to an empty shell. No luster, no shine, no positive energy. I actually spent some time with her talking about her choices and she had no idea how her life got the way it was. She was lost and I had a true since that she no longer had the energy or the ability to even make a choice. Sometimes we just need someone to care enough about us to step in and help guide us back to the place of being able to chose.

I'm worried about becoming rigid in my thoughts, maybe even a little legalistic if I allow myself to believe that all things happen to all people because of personal choice. I don't want to let go of the idea that there are times in our lives when we just simply don't have the energy to make the choice, good or bad.