I consider myself to be relatively intelligent. Or at least I did before today........I decided that I would spend one to two times a week with 2 of my grandchildren, Julie and Gauge. She is 2 and he is 3. At the start of this day things were going well when I decided a quick ride to Target was in order. This was mistake number one!

I had to use the bathroom before the circus could begin and took Gauge into the bathroom with me, Julie stayed out in the cart with her mother. I thought that he could just stand there while I went pee and tried to make a game out of his guarding the door for me. I pulled my pants down to pee and he, with his OUTDOOR voice began to openly discuss the size of grandmas bottom!

Everyone was at Target today and everyone had to pee! "Gauge Reid McIntyre, that's not nice to say", I was horrified when he looked me straight in the eye and said, "It's not a lie Grammies". Then he said " Grammies, did you just fart? that's not nice to do at the store, you do that at home, not at Target". No one was leaving the bathroom, I was trapped with a three year old who could reason and dialogue beyond his years. I was so mortified I could pee, I couldn't stand to pull my pants up and I didn't think I would ever be able to come out of the bathroom stall.

I'm sitting there eye to eye with this child trying to figure out what to say to him that would help to guide the conversation in another direction, my bladder was about to burst and half of the town I live in was there at Target going to the bathroom. I was his hostage!!!

He got restless waiting for me to pee so he started to look around in the stall that we were ion. As he bent over his gaze went to my privates and stood up quickly and made the worst announcement yet, "Gramme, you have hair all over your GINA". I was done. I decided to stand up, pull up my pants and take him out to Auntie. Then he informed me that "if you don't wipe up your gonna get poop on you shorts, gramme, who's going to wipe your bottom"?

There is laughter occurring outside the stall in the Target bathroom. No one is leaving because There is a three year old comedian who has a 50 year old grandmother trapped in the stall. I started to laugh too. It was all I could do to get my pants back down so that finally I could pee. I sat there eye to eye with Gauge Reid McIntyre now fully prepared to face the audience that waited on the other side of the swinging door.

The second time I pulled my pants up I done everything right. I peed, I "wiped up", and then I pull up my pants. When I opened the stall door there were 4 other women standing there and at eye contact we were all laughing hysterically. My grandson stood there for once in silence as he had no idea what the laughter was about. An older women with white hair bent over, touched his face and said, " young man, you just made my day"!

We left the bathroom hand in hand and I just a little worn from the experience was taken back to the very moment the he entered into the world as I know it. I held that child in my arms and thanked God for Him, knowing all the while that I had done nothing in my life that was worthy of such a gift as Gauge Reid McIntyre. Then I had to thank Him again for this child. For the moments when life allows us the time to escape to the simplistic world of a three year old. The factual and honest world of a three year old.

My Friend

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry that we are on opposite sides of the pole regarding you. It doesn't mean that I don't truely love you with my whole heart, and it doesn't mean that I don't want for you, what you want for yourself. I understand you even as I cannot support that one issue. I get it even as there are times when I know you feel as though I am in direct opposition to you.

That I am driven by my own spiritual beliefs does not mean that I think you un-worthy to have the desires of your heart. I want in life only what is good for you, only what will bring you joy and peace, only what will fill your heart with laughter and contentment in it's purest form. I think about you a lot and I ponder for myself all that I have been taught my whole life.

I wish you peace, love, and harmony in all that you do and pursue........ My love to you and for you always.
Sandy

The Plans I have For You

Once again God has brought me to this place. It's a quiet place filled with peace and contentment. I normally just plow through life like everbody else in the world, doing my best to be a good person, a Godly person. I get a little carried away with life. I usually have a great time no matter what I am doing having had enough turmoil and ugliness in reall life to realize that when things are good, we need to relish the moments.

Things have been good for awhile now but, God has still put me in this place. I call it the place of preperation. Without notice or reason known to me the Holy spirit begins to call up scripture that I have "hid deep in my heart", I start to view situations and the people around me differently, I start to hear suttel little one line commands from the Holy Spirit. ( I know it's the Holy Spirit because the Bible says in the Book of Hebrews that " only the Spirit knows the mind of God").

With years of trying to know and follow God I have come to recognize His workings in my life. I've learned to say..."ok, what are we going to do next", "what are you getting me preped for now". Interestingly, when the plan starts to unfold I am not surprised. I hate surprises and I love that God knows this about me and allows me "prep" time. He never just makes huge change in my life without gearing me up, without increasing my Faith, without reassuring me that no matter the plan, He's here and He's in charge, I love that about God!!!

God knows me. I am a procrastinator by nature, I can spend a whole day knowing what I need to do but, pissing around at what I want to do. I have moments where I actually believe that I am in charge of my own life ( this about me must be very frustrating to God, we could get so much more done if I weren't at times, so full of myself). I often find myself in situations that only God can get me out of because, I really believed that I was doing the right thing! Imagine that!

About 2 and a half years ago, my father, my mother, my husband, my favorite aunt, and my 2 year old nephew all died over a periodof about 7-8 months. They had long chronic illness and life was to say the very least, crazy at the time. God gave me perfect peace and yes, even joy during that time and, He and I were never closer. I learned to recognize the Triad at work, each having their own purpose in each and every moment. Each time there was to be a major life change God, by His great and glorious Spirit took me to the "prep" place and basically told me how things were going to go down. We were a team.

So here I am again, in the place of preperation. I feel it, I recognize it, and I'm just a little excited.

Choices

I got involved in some very interesting dialogue yesterday. In speaking with a friend, she and I were at odds with the concept of "choice". God gives us free will, we choose Him or we don't. I believe this to be true however, I'm not entirely sure that all things in life are a simple matter of "choice". I chose to be a nurse, before my husband died I chose to be married to him, I chose to give birth to three children, My life is clearly evidenced by my choices. I own them, the good and the bad but, I'm not convinced that life is always a matter of personal choice.

I am convinced that there is far more gray than there is black and white. I know a couple of women who are in incredibly abusive relationships. Not physically or sexually abusive but, mentally and emotionally. They don't leave and will not leave because their belief system as fundamental Christian women is that the only way out would be because of his adultery or death. So because of their choice to honor God as they know Him, they don't really have a choice except to set an example and endure.

I know a guy who is an alcoholic. He chose the first drink many moons ago but, one day woke up to find that he had actually been chosen by his original choice! He didn't chose to become an alcoholic and when the rest of us sit with friends and have a glass of wine we aren't choosing not to become alcoholics, are we ?

All I'm thinking is that sometimes without even making a choice life tends to sneak up on us. Sometimes we don't make the right choice because of fear or because of ignorance, or for what ever reason but sometimes we don't have it in us to even ponder a "choice".

Like how about falling in love? Do we chose who we will fall in love with? I don't believe that "yes" is always the right answer to the question when it comes to love. My experience with love is that it's even better when "it" chooses you!

One of the women that I love most in the world is an addict. I love her as deeply and completely as I am capable of loving any human on the planet. I have watched her move from being a lively and gregarious young women full of energy and positive thoughts to an empty shell. No luster, no shine, no positive energy. I actually spent some time with her talking about her choices and she had no idea how her life got the way it was. She was lost and I had a true since that she no longer had the energy or the ability to even make a choice. Sometimes we just need someone to care enough about us to step in and help guide us back to the place of being able to chose.

I'm worried about becoming rigid in my thoughts, maybe even a little legalistic if I allow myself to believe that all things happen to all people because of personal choice. I don't want to let go of the idea that there are times in our lives when we just simply don't have the energy to make the choice, good or bad.

It so happens that I love to write... I love to share my opinion even when it has gone unrequested. I don't concern myself with the fear of rejection having almost made it to the age of 50, I have already collected along the way more love, appreciation, and acceptance than I'll ever be able to use up!